Learning To Live After Loss

That was then…

“The 30’s will be my decade of spiritual growth!” I exclaimed (maybe bragged) raising my glass to guests at my 30th birthday party.

Master of my universe I would control the lessons to align with my perfect life married to my bestfriend and lover raising our four beautiful, healthy, happy children in our American passive solar country dream home.

The universe had other plans. Halfway through that fated decade, my husband was diagnosed with leukemia and our peaceful, perfect life imploded into an eight-year war with battles spanning the globe. I was 44 when we buried him. My children ranged in ages from 10 to 16.

My late husband left a legacy of unconditional love, fierce courage, gentle grace and powerful faith born of daily miracles on the battlefield. Much of that story unfolded in a series of letters known as The Miracle Update. (To be edited and released at a future date.)

That was then, and this is now as they say. And now is the life beyond – The Outback Edition. 

This forum highlights those adventures through reviews of gear to blogs for storytelling,  and photo galleries showcasing Nature. But first a bit more background.

My master of the universe attitude of my 30’s has morphed into a much more humble Tigger.

I’ve raised my children in a home where Death was a frequent dinner guest and a surprisingly wise companion.

The kids and I developed a wicked sense of humor and are aware all we have is now.

I quickly learned I was too naive to date and raise children at the same time.  I became a bit too tough for my liking.

I discovered levels and layers of my faith that is full of hope and love, especially in a crisis.

A decade after becoming a single mom my last chickadee spread her wings and soared into adulthood.

The perfect opportunity to fulfill a life-long, inner-gypsy vision arrived with my empty nest.

I retired early, wrapped up my nonprofit consulting shop, downsized my home, and purchased the piece de resistance a shiny new teardrop trailer.

On a blazing hot August day, my dog and I  hit the road with an open, grateful heart and permission to live my outdoor adventure dreams.

Daddy had four words to describe me: “She doesn’t bridle well.” He was right. Almost. I will gladly saddle up and go the distance – if it’s worth it.

My family is not only worth it, but the best thing I’ve ever experienced.

Today, with infinite gratitude, I let go of all the reins of that blessed young family ride.

My only goal in this outback adventure is to freely follow the quiet, still inner voice that directed me through it all in good times and bad.

This is now!

But now I won’t be in hospitals, cancer centers, and PTA meetings.

Now I’ve hitched up a nuCamp Outback Teardrop Trailer to a Subaru Outback pulling me to the “boondocking” outback where I live my eclectic, outback version of spirituality.

Twenty-five years after my birthday toast I once again  raise my glass and offer the only prayer I’ll  ever need: “Thank you.”

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55 thoughts on “Learning To Live After Loss”

  1. Hi, i think that i saw you visited my website thus i came to “return the favor”.I
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  3. Simply wanna input on few general things, The website style is perfect, the subject material is rattling wonderful. “War is much too serious a matter to be entrusted to the military.” by Georges Clemenceau.

  4. Meeting you on a beach on the Oregon Coast will always be a special memory for me! Thanks for letting Rocky play with my dogs and telling me about your story. If you are every near Napa please let me know!

    1. Pleasure to meet you and your pups Shelby! Thanks for sharing and I’ll let you know when I’m in wine country! Have a great winter!

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  8. Thanks for sharing your background story, Cindy. I feel that you are very brave to be alone. I don’t trust myself that much. I’m always pleasantly surprised when I fix something or solve a problem!
    I was looking for you to pop in at St. Stephen’s to vote in the Runoff 8/26/18. Maybe, the General Election 11/6/18, eh?

  9. You have such a loving and adventurous soul. You and Robert were always two of my favorite people. Happy trails!

  10. Hi Cindy,
    Love this small portion of your blog via FB and would love to read more! May your happy trails continue!
    Ann

  11. She does not bridle well! Love it! I can see the smile and hear the chuckle after the saying. You and your puppy are always welcome here at Conway!

  12. Cindy,

    I finally stumbled upon your page from miles away in Belize and I am blown away!

    Thank you for sharing.

    Your friend,

    Zoe

    1. ZOE!!!! How wonderful! Your bright smile immediately popped into my mind. And your underwater scuba diving! Let me know if you’re in the states! We can share stories in person!

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  14. Such an inspiring story, Cindy…
    We share some aspect of it:
    my young brother, who suffered through leukemia from age 19-22, was my first teacher of Life!
    I carry him deeply in my heart too…
    _(<3)_

  15. When I was 24 a co-worker quit his job and was going to travel across the United States, much like you are doing now. I was so envious. He returned in a month and then I was just pissed. I’m glad to see that you have carried through and wish you the best on your journeys and look forward to the updates. Not only are you living your dream you’re living others’ dreams for them.

    1. I bet I would have done the same thing at 24! Didn’t have the tools to ride it out. You’d be inspired by the people I have met! Our paths might cross for a few minutes and it is worth every single second!

    1. Sure will! Once I figure out how to do that! Meanwhile I’ll post on FB. The website has several pages to it as well. I suspect it will evolve. BIG HUG!

  16. My heart is full…thank you, my friend. This is a wonderful read. I miss you & Rocky everyday, but am happy to be able to follow along on your adventures via our tiny hand-held devices! Thanks, again, for joining us up on Casper Mountain. I am anxiously awaiting our “next time to witness totality” in 6.5 yrs in south Texas!
    Much love & safe travels…see you soon back home! ❤

    1. Well!! I see all seems well in that exciting life of my newest friend and closest newest neighbor and so charming!
      Cindy, being an old man I have that wanderlust gene also and am in the process now of exhibiting it. The word, Winnebago does it!
      That gourd vine at the SW corner of your house went crazy so I had to remove twenty feet that climbed to your front porch shading most of the flowering plants. The large nice aromatic perennial closest to the corner was completely shaded and I feared it’s …(demise)
      a euphemistic word, don’t you think?
      Many of us envy you.
      You just, went and did IT!

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